This recap brought to you by Orlando Bloom:
The Tale of Orlando Bloom's Birthday
Written by Orlando Bloom
Directed by Orlando Bloom
Starring Orlando Bloom
Co-Starring Orlando Bloom... and his friends
Edited by Orlando Bloom
Music (or lack thereof) performed by Orlando Bloom
*fade in*
*fade out*
*black out*
Orlando: "What happened to my head?"
Loving and understanding wife Miranda: "You don't remember?"
Orlando: "Um... yes. Of course I do."
Orlando: "But uh... refresh my memory..."
Slightly naive loving and understanding wife Miranda: "Well! It started out..."
*18 hours earlier*
Orlando: "I LOVE MY BABY!"
Random person in background: "YO! ORLY!"
Orlando: Oh... hey, Dominic...
Orlando: ... what's with the costume?
Dominic: It's for your party, man! Me and the other guys wanted you to relive your glory days for your birthday! Let's jet!
Orlando: ... ... ...
*ten minutes later*
Orlando: ... ... K. MIRANDA!
*Miranda comes out and Orlando hands off the baby*
Orlando: I'm going out!
Miranda: Have a good time...
*Orlando has already booked it across the yard and leaped over the fence after Dominic*
Miranda: ... dear.
*13 hours earlier*
Orlando: DOM! DOMMM! POKE MY BELLY! POKE IT!
Elijah "Party Killer" Wood: Are you sure this was a good idea?
Dominic: He's fine.
Elijah "Party Killer" Wood: You don't think fatherhood has gotten a hold of him and if he breaks lose he might...
Dominic: He's. Fine.
*10 hours earlier*
Orlando:I EFFING LOVE YOU JOHNNY DEPP!
Johnny: Heh heh... who the hell is this guy? Seriously... security.
*8 hours earlier*
Orlando: I EFFING LOVE SQUIRT GUNS!!!!
*Waiter walks by with martinis, Orlando grabs one and downs it*
*7 hours earlier*
Orlando: I LOVE YOU RANDOM GIRL! Wait? Miranda esh tha' you?
Random Girl: Nope, I'm just a random girl.
*6 hours earlier*
Orlando: I love random nerdshh showing up to my parties. Did I tell you tell 'at, mate?
Random Nerd: I love that you love having random nerds at your parties. Wanna make out?
Orlando: ... K.
*1 and a half hours later*
Orlando: *snores*
*Present*
Orlando: ... on second thought... I think I'd like to just forget last night ever happened. I was in Vegas right?
Miranda: No... they took you to Miami... why? Did...
Orlando: NOTHING HAPPENED!
*black out*
*credits*
